Don’t get me wrong, being a mom is the hardest and most important job I have ever had, and I wouldn’t change it for a second. But I am also a woman and a wife, a daughter and a sister. As a mom of three I know how hard it is to get caught up with life as a mom. I’m busy all day with the kids and at night I am exhausted. It is after the kids go to bed too that I blog and try to squeeze all that work in, in just the few hours I have before I need to go crash in my bed. My blog though is my outlet, it is something that is just mine and I don’t have to share with anyone. As a mom there is pretty much nothing in this house that is really mine, since my kids touch and want everything. My blog though is like my secret guilty pleasure that doubles as a job for me. My husband often tells me to quit blogging since I am always stressed with deadlines and blogging does sometimes take me away from my family, but it is “mine” and that is hard to explain.
So for me, I have loved computers since I got my first one twenty years ago. When I had my first child, I slowly stopped going on as much and honestly I became spiteful. I hated my husband because he go to go to work and interact with other adults! I hated that he had something that was “his” and even though it was his job, it was still something that he didn’t have to share with me or our son. Then we had our second child and I knew I had to do something. Something had to change or I was going to go crazy. So two months after my second child was born I started my blog. I had no clue what I was doing but the challenge was something I needed.
Now I know blogging isn’t for everyone, but whatever you did pre-kids you need to try to re-incorporate into your new life as a mom. Don’t just be a mom! Slowly I have realized how important it is to have a life outside of my kids, for my sanity and it makes me a better mother since I am happier inside. I watch movies with my husband and we play board games/video games like we did pre-kids as often as we can, I go out to lunch with my sisters without my kids for sister-time, I recently went and saw a movie with my mom without kids and I can’t remember the last time we were able to do something alone, and finally I blog. Maybe before kids, you exercised, read books, worked on puzzles, or even just pampered yourself with a spa or pedicure.
I know it can be hard to get a babysitter (my kids have honestly never had a babysitter that wasn’t family which is hard to schedule) so find ways to be creative. I am fortunate to have a husband who can help out so I can escape mom-duties every now and then, but there are ways to be creative even if you are at home with your kids all-day every-day (I’ve been there.)
Believe me when I say, you will be much happier as a mom if you can make some time for yourself as the woman you are also are. Remember the time pre-kids and don’t let that person go.
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I think one of the problems is we separate motherhood out from everything like it's a separate entity. That's not the way I feel about it at all. My kids were incorporated into most areas of my life when they were young. Even my blog. If we separate motherhood out, we can learn to resent it. We can learn to resent our partners, our children, and the loss of what we see we have given up.
For me, the key was to incorporate my children into everything. I became a La Leche League leader which allowed me to lead again and incorporate my children. I joined a playgroup which allowed me to hang out with other moms and do fun things, incorporating my children. I taught my children the love of books, which allowed me to read, while they read.
One of the amazing things about women is we can multitask in a quality way. I'm not sure how old your children are, but my advice to you as a mom of tweens and teens is to enjoy every second you have with them, because it goes by so quickly. Also, I think moms who blog need to be careful about separating the blog firmly from the family. It can make your husband resentful and your children jealous. I always frame my blog as something that helps my family. We have gotten to go to places that we wouldn't have been able to go, occasionally had some extra money, and gotten to do fun projects to share on the site.
I totally understand where you are coming from because I could have written much of that myself 10+ years ago. I have just learned that perspective is everything. If I see anything as a me versus them set-up, it just makes everything an unnecessary battle. I've never seen myself as just a mom because to me a mom is more than childcare. It's modeling entrepreneurship to my children, managing a household, being an engaged citizen, and so very much more. ♡
Best wishes to you on your blog. ♡
Even though I'm not a mom (yet), I couldn't agree with you more! Regardless of who you are, you NEED something that's yours in your life to bring happiness to you and to help get away from the stress and chaos life might bring.
I'm glad you're able to do that for yourself when you can :)
Thanks! Very true! Sometimes women just forget themselves and get caught up with their friends/family lives, work or whatever!
I started a blog in 2007 for the same reasons - I was losing myself, heck I lost myself! I was a babbling fool to three small children. I don't have family here in IL, so I do not have built in babysitters. My husband works ALL the time and travels quite a bit. I was always home with my kids with NO outlet. Blogging saved my life. My husband gets SO irritated when I say I have a deadline or I have an event - he wants me to quit - NOW! He detests my time on the computer But, if I don't blog, I will have nothing that is just for me. I will go batty!
Men just don't understand!