What to Do if You Think Your Husband Drinks Too Much

There’s nothing wrong with a drink here and there. A beer after work or glass of wine with dinner can provide a host of benefits. But when someone becomes dependent on drinking, the cons far outweigh the pros. 

If you suspect your husband falls into this latter category, it’s imperative that you do something about it. Otherwise, the issue will compound over time and become a significant source of pain, frustration, and risk.

What is a Functioning Alcoholic?

Sometimes it’s quite obvious that you’re living with an alcoholic. But in many cases, the signs and symptoms creep up. You might even have trouble identifying them when they’re right in front of you. A functioning alcoholic is the hardest to spot.

“It can be hard to identify a problem if your husband is a functioning alcoholic,” Rehab Adviser explains. “Since functioning alcoholics seem like they can uphold their responsibilities and function normally, it can be easy to excuse their drinking. This in turn can make you not see it for the problem it really is.”

High-functioning alcoholics can be hard to spot if you don’t know what to look for, but commons signs and symptoms include drinking in excessive quantities (though it may not be every day), high tolerance for alcohol, irritability when not drinking, lying about drinking, drinking before work or social events, consuming more than 15 drinks per week, binge drinking (consuming more than five drinks per day), and drinking patterns (drinking at specific times each day/week).

Here’s What You Should Do

If you suspect that your husband is an alcoholic – high-functioning or otherwise – take the proper steps to ensure everyone is safe and healthy. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Stop Enabling

Let’s be clear about one thing up front: You shouldn’t take your husband’s alcohol abuse personally. Though it’s natural to feel twinges of guilt, the burden of responsibility is ultimately on his shoulders. He’s the one drinking too much. No matter how much you may think you’re to blame, this problem is his to own. With that being said, one of the best suggestions is to stop enabling his behavior.

Some examples of enabling behavior include:

• Regularly joining in on the drinking
• Ignoring the issue
• Covering up his mistakes with excuses
• Taking care of his responsibilities
• Preventing negative consequences of drinking
• Not following up on previously stated consequences for drinking

Again, your husband’s alcoholic tendencies aren’t your responsibility, but weeding out enabling behaviors is a pretty good place to start.

2. Open Up Lines of Communication

Your husband might not realize that he’s a functioning alcoholic. Or it’s possible that he doesn’t see how his drinking patterns are negatively impacting your marriage and/or family life. Thus, it’s critical that you speak up.

Talking about drinking can be scary – especially if your husband is defensive and argumentative. But you need to open up the lines of communication and let him know you’re there to talk. Otherwise, the issue will continue to be ignored and avoided (which only makes it worse).

3. Encourage Treatment

Sometimes treatment is the only option. As your husband’s partner, you should encourage him to pursue it. When discussing treatment, focus less on his problems and issues and more on the freedom that would come from sobering up. You want him to see it as a light at the end of a dark tunnel, rather than something that you’re forcing him to do so that you can be happier. 

4. Take Care of Yourself

Living with a functioning alcoholic can take a toll. Mentally, physically, and relationally, it has a way of wrecking everything you once knew to be true. And as much as you want to help your husband, it’s equally important that you take care of yourself. Your health and safety – as well as that of your children – is the utmost priority. If you ever feel like your husband’s drinking is at risk of compromising this, remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible.

Adding it All Up

On the surface, a functioning alcoholic may not seem as dangerous as an overt alcoholic; however, they can wreak just as much havoc on your life. If you suspect your husband drinks too much, resist the temptation to sweep your worries under the proverbial rug. Instead, be proactive about your suspicions and seek out solutions. Doing so could help save your marriage and keep your family together.