Being a Mom and a Daughter: A Balancing Act

Whether you have kids and work outside the home or you’re a full-time mom, you probably juggle a lot. And when you are both a mother and daughter, whether you help care for your parent or she’s entirely independent, it can be tough to find a balance. Below are some of the challenges you may face.

Special Occasions

For birthdays and holidays, you want to do something special for both your mom and your children. Whether you are near your mom or faraway, you can send her sustainably sourced flowers. A subscription service and reliable flower delivery for Mother’s Day means that she can enjoy flowers on her special day and all year round. For birthdays and other important holidays, you may want to think about how you can bring your children and your mom together. If she doesn’t live nearby, you can always arrange a video chat. Your mother could even attend your child’s birthday party by video or at least watch them open any gifts she sent.

Relationship Building

One thing you’ll want to consider is what kind of a relationship you hope your children will have with their grandparents and what you can do to facilitate that relationship. Of course, your mother and father will also have their own ideas about that relationship. If you all live in the same town, you shouldn’t assume that they will be perpetually available for free child care. On the other hand, they may be insulted that you would consider leaving the children with anyone else. You may also want to consider whether you want your parents to take your children on trips with them or if you want your children to visit them on their own if they live in another city, state or country.

Living Together

At some point, you might face the decision of whether to have your mother and father move in with you. There is a name for parents who are also caring for their own parents: the “sandwich generation.” This can be a very stressful situation to be in, and you will need to assess whether having your them live with you is more or less difficult. In some cases, it could reduce your worry about them and save you running back and forth between the homes. In other cases, it could be more stressful depending on your relationship with them. Whether or not they live with you, another issue to consider might be how involved they are in your parenting.

Negotiating Parenting

Is your own mom the first person you turn to for parenting advice, or does she represent a source of unsolicited advice? If you are considering having her move in with you, you will certainly need to think about how this will affect your relationship with her and your child. However, even if she does not live with you, you may need to navigate this situation. Your mother and father might also have different household rules from you, and you will need to decide whether or not this matters enough to address it.