What Moms Need to Know About Divorce

Getting a divorce was not in your life plan when you got married. Marriages fall apart for numerous reasons, but it’s scary to think about even if you know it’s for the best. There are too many unknowns to worry about and potential reasons that it could complicate things for you and your kids. This guide explains what moms need to know about divorce so you can feel more confident as you move through this next phase of your life.

1. Keep Things Amicable

Even in the best-case scenario, divorce is stressful. You might argue with your partner about splitting bank accounts or dividing properties. Little things can feel like monumental choices, but strive to always keep things amicable. Fewer complications make divorces happen faster and more efficiently. Compromise where you can and avoid trigger words that could spark arguments.

2. Address Your Parenting Goals

If you want to co-parent with your current spouse, address the goals you want to set for your kids. You could talk about their religious upbringing or how strictly you should create and enforce family rules. Being on the same page makes the divorce easier and eases you into your new life after the court finalizes your paperwork.

Thinking about your co-parenting goals could also help you realize that it’s not the right decision for your family. Think about your spouse’s character and ask parental inventory questions like:

• Does your spouse know your child’s pediatrician?
• Will your partner know how to handle your child’s medication?
• How often does your spouse voluntarily spend time with your child?

If they don’t know how to take care of your children during their typical routine and in an emergency, co-parenting may not be the best resolution for your family.

3. Build a Support System

Divorces are complicated and don’t happen overnight. Even if you feel better once you find a lawyer and begin the process, you’ll need a helping hand while life changes around you. Build a support system so you have someone to talk to and people ready to take care of your kids if you need it. You won’t feel so alone because your community will rally behind you.

4. Talk About Potential Costs

There are a few ways you could pay fees other than the estimated total for your lawyer. When you meet with your lawyer for the first time, discuss how your spouse could make things more costly for you. They’ll explain how a high-conflict divorce could drain your savings through disagreements on things like division of debt and child support. You’ll have more control over your finances by learning what to avoid in conversations with your spouse.

5. Set Firm Boundaries

Boundaries can become blurred during a separation and divorce. Your spouse may use their key to walk into your house without asking first or you might allow your kids to do activities that your partner doesn’t want them to do.

Set firm boundaries while you’re figuring out how to separate during your divorce. Healthy boundaries will outline how you’ll communicate with each other and what you need for your mental and emotional health. If you don’t want your spouse bad-mouthing you in front of your kids or texting you multiple times each day, make it clear by setting and enforcing those boundaries.  

6. Communicate With Your Kids

Parents know why their divorce is necessary and how it came to be, but kids are often left out. They weren’t there for late-night arguments or hurt by broken spousal promises. They could get through your divorce while feeling fearful because they’re not sure why their lives are changing and what life will look like because of it.

Communicate about your divorce with your kids to prevent them from experiencing the mental trauma of fearing the unknown. Research shows that fear and anxiety can impact their ability to learn and even interact with peers. Even if you don’t want them to know every detail, explaining why your divorce is necessary and asking how you can help them are two easy ways to make them feel less alone.

7. Outline Spousal Support Requirements

Spousal support is an amount that one spouse must pay to the other to offset any loss in income or financial advantages after a divorce.

Determining spousal support can be time-consuming and challenging because it depends on the number of factors presented in court by both parties involved. Some examples of factors that are considered when determining spousal support are income after divorce, primary care for any children and if so, the non-custodial parent will have to pay child support), length of the marriage, how many years the couple was married if the couple has joint children, the age difference between the spouses, health of parties involved (both physical and mental), how much each spouse contributed financially while they were married.

Don’t be afraid to ask for spousal support. Some women feel awkward asking for child support payments because they worry that it will make their partner mad or complicate their divorce. You shouldn’t struggle to provide for your kids because there isn’t a second breadwinner in the house. Talk with your lawyer about what type of financial compensation you’re entitled to, like alimony or child support. The court can back you up if your spouse tries to get out of what they owe you.

8. Get Everything in Writing

If your divorce gets complicated or your spouse swears that they never agreed to something, you’ll want to have everything in writing. Try to only communicate with your spouse through texts or emails so you can save every conversation. Any rules or boundaries should also have a written and signed agreement. You can use them to prove what your spouse agreed to in private conversations or strengthen your case if you need to fight for custody.

Everything You Should Know About Divorce

Divorce can feel scary and stressful, but you don’t have to start the process unprepared. Use these tips to make the process easier for your family. Set boundaries, communicate with your kids and ask your lawyer any questions on your mind so you know what to expect during this significant change in your life.