What to Do After Your Parent Is Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

As moms, we expect to take care of our children for our entire lives. Most of us never envision becoming full-time caretakers to our own parents. But this is the reality for millions once their mothers or fathers are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. As a progressive disease, Alzheimer’s only makes it harder for us to communicate with our parents as time goes on. 

There are many choices that will have to be made, some much harder than others, so finding immediate support and resources is vital. To give them the greatest quality of life possible, it’s a good idea to start discussing things while they’re still able to do so. Helping your family adjust during this period won’t be easy, but you can ease some of the grief and confusion together if you plan ahead.

Learn About the Disease

There is no way to know how long someone will live with Alzheimer’s or how fast their symptoms will advance. Because Alzheimer’s is a progressive form of dementia, your parent’s condition will change over time rather than all at once. Your parents might be in shock themselves, and they may not fully understand everything they’ve been told. Speak to their doctor about their diagnosis, and ask what stage they’re in as well as what to expect and ways to support them.

In the early stages, your parent will still be able to perform many tasks on their own. However, during the middle and late stages, it will be harder for them to look after themselves. Their cognitive performance will decrease, and they’ll likely grow to require full-time care. Memory care services can slow the progression of the disease, so you should explore different options and discuss them with your parents.

Have the Difficult Conversations Early On

You don’t need to delve into estate planning as soon as your mother or father break the news of their diagnosis, but you should set aside some time to talk about their last wishes. If you’re not sure where to start, you can read this end-of-life planning checklist with a guide that walks you through the process of putting directives in place. Settle your parents’ affairs early on to ensure that their wishes are accurate and followed through. Decisions including their finances and long-term healthcare should be documented as this will give you a sense of direction that can make the caretaking process slightly less overwhelming. You won’t have to second-guess whether the decisions you’re making are right for your parent because they made them themselves.

Take Care of Yourself

Make sure that you take time to grieve, and don’t feel guilty for needing space to process your emotions. It may be helpful to speak with a therapist who can give you open space to discuss what you’re feeling, especially if you feel pressured to keep up a strong front around your family. The lifestyle changes that your entire family faces are scary, even if you’re prepared for them. It’s important that you make necessary arrangements gradually rather than just coping with things as they happen.

Giving yourself the greatest sense of control will also help ease some of the anxiety. What matters most is ensuring that you can give your mom or dad the best quality of life possible. You also want to make sure that their diagnosis doesn’t completely cloud your vision as it’s a big part of your life now, but your parent is still your parent. Have a plan in place, but also prioritize simply spending time together and deepening your bond.