Helping Your Children Deal With Divorce

Divorce can be extremely stressful for your children, and it may feel to them like their entire world has been turned upside down. They may feel shocked, angry, or uncertain about what the future will look like. 

The process can be traumatic for everyone involved, and you don’t need any additional hassles in getting it finalized. Contact divorce attorney Thomas Stahl for more advice and assistance on achieving an amicable divorce. It’s best for the emotional stability of your children if you can maintain a good relationship with your ex-spouse, as they need both parents in their lives – ideally, ones who get along. 

You can help your kids through this uncertain time by reminding them that they can count on you for stability and care. 

Strategies That Can Help Your Kids Cope

You and your spouse should explain the situation to your children in an honest, age-appropriate way. Decide together when and how you will explain the situation to the children, and have a joint discussion with them. Explain that everyone will be happier if you live in separate houses. Reassure them that both of you still love them very much and you both continue to be a part of their lives.

Tell them the divorce is not their fault. Explain that the adults have made the decision and that it’s not a result of any bad behavior on their part.

Explain to them in a practical way how things will work. For example, tell them which days you will be with each parent and where. Put up a calendar with days in different colors so that they can see how much time they will spend with both parents and when. Let them know both parents will still be there for them.

Form a united front in front of your children and don’t fight. Don’t blame the other parent, as children need both parents. If they experience a conflict of loyalty, it will make things harder for them. 

Talk about emotions and tell them that it is normal to feel angry or sad about the situation. Encourage them to talk to you, and not to keep their feelings inside, as they may experience an intense sense of loss.

Tell them in advance if a parent is going to move out. If possible, let them visit the second home where they will be staying, and allow them to bring some of their toys and clothes.

It’s important to establish new and consistent routines in both households, as children need structure to feel safe. This will give them a sense of stability, and they will feel safer if they know what to expect, e.g. dinner is followed by a bath at both households. 

It’s essential that you maintain consistent discipline and that children continue to observe the rules they are used to. Resist the temptation to spoil them, just because you feel guilt about the divorce. 

Taking Care of Yourself

When you’re going through a divorce, it’s essential to take care of yourself as well, if you want to be able to take care of your children. You need to deal with your own emotional pain if you want to help your kids feel more at ease. 

Make sure you eat healthily and try to exercise often. Visit with family and friends for emotional support, or join a support group. Go for counseling if you feel you need professional help. 

Writing down your thoughts and feelings may also help you get rid of some of your frustration. It’s essential to have an outlet during this difficult time so that you don’t take out your frustrations on your children. 

There can be many negative emotions surrounding divorce, but you should make it a priority to maintain a good relationship with your ex-spouse, for the sake of the long-term emotional stability of your children. 

Keeping long-term goals in mind such as your children’s mental health may help you avoid constant disagreements about daily arrangements and logistics. The ultimate goal is to improve the well-being of everyone involved in the divorce, including that of your ex-spouse, so you can both be good parents to your children.