What Is Autonomy Supportive Parenting?

Children are incredibly susceptible to their role models, the adults in their lives. Their development during their first few years can create lasting habits and ways of thinking they’ll carry on as they grow older.

Choosing the right parenting style, especially regarding autonomy versus shame and doubt parenting, is crucial in setting your child on the right path. On the one hand, you have a parenting style that grants your kid confidence; on the other, you teach them dependence.

This article will discuss autonomy-supportive parenting and how you can apply it to your children.

Autonomy Supportive Parenting Explained

Autonomy supportive parenting is primarily a parenting style wherein parents purposefully involve their children in making decisions and carrying out actions, provided they are age-appropriate and safe.

Like balanced parenting, autonomy-supportive parenting avoids extreme permissiveness and authoritarianism. It does not imply giving the child what she wants and when she wants it every time.

Instead, it promotes self-awareness, active thinking, and decision-making within the boundaries established by the parents.

Ways to Practice Autonomy Supportive Parenting

1. Let Your Child Make Their Own Choices

Trial and error teach children how to make sound decisions. Allowing your child to make decisions that affect her daily routine is a fantastic method to help her develop better decision-making abilities.

If you’re parenting a toddler, begin with simple options your child can grasp. Asking your kid whether she prefers a green or purple dress will inspire her to consider how she might alter her environment autonomously.

Just ensure that the choices your children can make are appropriate for their maturity level and do not jeopardize their well-being.

2. Show That You Listen and Care

Children frequently struggle to recognize and communicate their emotions, which might limit their capacity to act on their wants in a constructive, independent manner. As a result, empathy and active listening are essential components of autonomy supporting parenting.

When dealing with your child, truly listen to her point of view, especially if she is upset or confused about something. Validate her feelings before correcting her behavior, such as saying, “I understand why you’re angry, but throwing objects isn’t okay.”

When mentoring your child, your primary goal should be to help her explore her emotions and opinions within safe boundaries. Try asking your child open-ended questions such as, “Is there a way to make you feel better?” or “What do you want to do about this?” 

You should also never discount or reject your child’s sentiments.

You may find it hard to understand why your child is crying because she only got one scoop of ice cream instead of two. Still, the pain she feels is genuine to her, and as parents, you need to address that pain rather than push it away.

3. Make Them Feel Competent and Needed

Making excellent decisions requires understanding what those decisions mean to the people around us. Your kids must feel they are positively contributing to the family unit to stay motivated and on track.

For example, suppose you frequently include your child in family vacation planning discussions. She will feel like an essential member of the family and will learn to make decisions that satisfy everyone’s needs.

Allow your child to “help” you do things when she’s young, as long as they do not involve anything unsafe or breakable. Don’t treat your child as though she’s an impediment.

Give her a list of doable chores to perform each week and specific rewards, such as game nights with you, as she matures. This also teaches children about the positive implications of their actions.

Instead of just rewarding her for “being good,” inform her that by performing a specific activity, she helped you do other tasks or rest. In addition to providing incentives or privileges, let her know how much you appreciate her efforts to the household.

4. Love Them Unconditionally

Unconditionally loving your kids is essential for various reasons, but it’s especially critical for developing confidence.

Children who believe they will be loved even if they “misbehave” are less likely to fail. This allows them to take calculated chances, try new things, and form strong peer relationships.

It is more challenging to demonstrate unconditional love than to regularly care for your child, which most parents already do. Children must be spoken to in a calm, non-judgmental manner at all times if they are to know they are accepted.

When you feel you need to correct your child’s behavior, concentrate on addressing the issue rather than labeling your child.

For example, if your daughter fails to clean up her toys, do not label her as “lazy.” Instead, gently remind her that she needs to pick them up so that no one trips over them.

Our children can mirror our own ways of thinking and habits.

Suppose you want your kids to be independent and confident while growing up. In that case, you should learn to respect their autonomy, show them that you care and love them, and listen honestly to what they feel or say.

Finally, if you mess up because you’ve had a bad day, there’s always tomorrow.  Apologize for losing your cool, and your kids will see how being imperfect is just part of being human.  You don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent!