The Impact of Surrogacy on Your Family: Tips for Talking to Children and Loved Ones

Surrogacy can be an emotional and complex journey for surrogate mothers, intended parents, and their loved ones. Talking to your family and friends about surrogacy can be a daunting task, especially if they are not familiar with the process. Having open and honest communication with your nearest and dearest is important for a successful surrogacy journey. Surrogacy can also have a massive impact on family members and loved ones. You may find that some are encouraging and are excited to be part of the process in a supporting role. Others may have reservations about the process and may not know how to express their concerns constructively. Although speaking to loved ones may be a challenge, it will make a huge difference to your journey. Here are a few top tips for talking to loved ones and children about surrogacy.

1. Why Do People Worry About Speaking to Loved Ones About Their Decision?

• Intended Parents

Intended parents who have chosen surrogacy to help them grow their families may be apprehensive about sharing the news with their loved ones. Surrogacy can be a sensitive topic, and some intended parents may fear judgment, misunderstanding, and criticism. They may be worried about how their loved ones will react and whether they will be supportive and accepting of their decision. It is important for intended parents to remember that their feelings are valid. Other intended parents go through the same thing, but with the right approach, you can have a positive conversation about surrogacy with the ones closest to you.

• Surrogates

For many, surrogacy is a relatively new and foreign concept. This means that there are often stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding the topic. Some surrogates may worry about family’s or friend’s reactions to the idea of carrying and delivering a baby for someone else and may need support in managing expectations and maintaining an open conversation. Overall, the decision to become a surrogate mother is yours. It is normal for surrogates to worry about negative reactions, but it is possible to navigate conversations with loved ones and be supported throughout the surrogacy journey if you take the right approach. Focusing on the positives of the situation and reinforcing your reasons for doing a large but wonderful task will help to convey your thoughts to others. 

2. Choose the Right Time and Place for the Conversation

Talking about your surrogacy journey for the first time with family and friends can be overwhelming, and you may find yourself fraught with emotion at the thought of it. To reduce any anxiety you may be feeling, choose the right time and place to have this conversation. Pick a quiet and comfortable location where everyone feels at ease. This will encourage them to speak openly, and it will ensure you can have a conversation without interruptions. Make sure everyone involved in the conversation has enough time to talk without feeling distracted or rushed.

3. Educate Them About the Surrogacy Process

Some of your loved ones may not understand why you have chosen surrogacy. They may also have misconceptions about the process. Be clear about your intentions and why you have chosen surrogacy as an option, and educate them about the process. Give them information and resources from reliable sources. Explain to them the benefits and the risks involved.

Explain the process, detailing the IVF procedure for egg donors, and differentiate between traditional and gestational surrogacy. Take note that some people choose this procedure due to infertility, medical conditions, or same-sex couples seeking a genetically related child. Moreover, you have to discuss parental rights, contracts, and the legal status of the surrogate and child and highlight potential legal challenges. Explain logistical arrangements, parental responsibilities, and preparation for the child’s arrival.

4. Listen to Any Concerns They May Have

Family and friends may have concerns about surrogacy, and it is important to listen to these concerns without judgment. Address their concerns and fears, and answer their questions openly. Let them know that their opinions are important, and be honest about your own feelings. Share your expectations, hopes, and fears with them, and let them know how important their involvement is to you.

Discuss the surrogate’s compensation, medical expenses, legal fees, and other related costs. Emphasize the importance of support and communication. Encourage family members to express concerns, ask questions, and offer support. Consider how this fertility procedure affects relationships, especially if you have an extended family. Discuss potential reactions and ways to navigate challenges. Acknowledge the influence of cultural and religious beliefs on this medical perspective.

5. Respect Their Opinions

When it comes to surrogacy, your loved ones may not have the same opinions or beliefs as you. Acknowledge everything they say, and let them know that you understand their concerns. It is important to respect their views. However, it is equally as important to make clear that your decision was made after careful consideration and that you are sticking by your decision.

While it will take time for some of your loved ones to fully understand the process, be patient. Show that you’re a hundred percent sure about your decision. Some people get persuaded when they know that their family members who want to undergo the procedure are happy. Share every milestone, such as the success of egg transfer or uterus transplant, healthy first trimester, or no pregnancy complications.

6. Establish Boundaries

Setting boundaries with loved ones is essential as it helps ensure that you receive the space and support you need during the surrogacy journey. Let them know the level of involvement you are comfortable with and what you need from them. Being clear about your expectations and boundaries early on will help ensure they will not encroach on your personal space.

7. Keep Them Involved

Involving friends and family in the process can help them feel more connected and supportive. Invite them to any appointments or ultrasounds you have scheduled, and keep them updated on your progress. If you plan to host a baby shower, consider involving them so that they can play a special part in celebrating the arrival of the baby. Depending on the age and maturity of your children, you can also involve them in the process too. In addition to attending appointments and helping with the shower, intended parents can ask their kids to help choose baby names. You can also ask them to make a special gift for the surrogate. Involving children in the process can help them feel better connected to the new addition to the family.

8. How to Talk to Children About Surrogacy

Speaking to children about surrogacy can feel tricky. Surrogacy is not only a life-changing experience for intended parents and surrogates, but it can also have a significant impact on their children too. Kids are curious creatures, and yours will probably have a lot of questions. Children can pick up on the changing dynamics at home, so speaking to them openly and honestly can help them adjust to the situation better. Furthermore, it is essential that you use age-appropriate language. Children may not understand various aspects of surrogacy, such as the technical and medical side of the process. Try to use child-friendly terms to help them get to grips with everything.