A Post-Divorce Guide To Sustaining Beautiful Family Ties

Most people would agree that a divorce is usually a negative outcome for a marriage, but the truth is that sometimes, it’s the healthiest option for all parties involved. Moreover, a divorce is not a long prison sentence, nor is it a stubborn medical condition. 

In other words, you don’t have to feel that this will have a constant and domineering influence over your life, it can be the first step in a journey that leads to a healthier connection between two families and ex-partners. There are many divorcees out there, and many of them figure out ways to keep their families on good terms, whereas this might not have been possible in an unhappy marriage.

Any set of excellent family law attorneys will be able to tell you that for the most part, it’s the ex-partner’s conduct, priorities, and pursuits that will determine how healthy the post-divorce outcome is for most people. 

Most guides regarding divorce on the internet strike a somber tone. In this post, then, we’ll discuss a more positive spin, how you can more easily sustain beautiful family ties even with this unique arrangement, where both ex-partners may also be developing connections of their own while sustaining the connections they once had.

Navigate Your Emotional Rollercoaster

It’s true to say that post-divorce life can take some time to come to terms with. That’s perfectly fine and natural. There will be emotions, and not all of them are hugely positive and rewarding from start to finish.

That said, unlike rollercoasters, you don’t have to be trapped going in one direction. You can alter your perspective, be more considerate and understanding, look to be more mature and supportive, and seek a healthy outcome. It’s hard to hold onto bitterness when you’re genuinely contributing, a warm presence, and able to look past those previous issues and move into a healthier future.

Does that sound a little idealistic? Possibly so, but the point is that it’s nowhere near unobtainable. Taking a mature approach to your emotions, understanding what your triggers might be, and communicating your challenges can be ideal. This often feeds directly into:

Open Communication & Setting Boundaries

Ultimately, post-divorce life has to be managed alongside clear boundaries and communication. For example, it may be that while you have no real input over how your ex-partner chooses to curate their romantic life, nor they you, you might request that they don’t bring a brand new partner to the family get-togethers just for consistency, and you’ll do the same.

Healthy boundaries, well-communicated and reasoned, can help both parties thrive even when they’re trying to co-parent. It may be that you agree not to move too far from the area while your children are growing up so they can have continual equal access to both parents. You may also agree not to play the children off one another, nor use them as pawns in an argumentative game.

If you can both lay this out very clearly to begin with, then you can subvert most of the issues that comes from immature handling. It’s important to know where both parties stand, and two understanding parties working on this balance can do achieve a world of good.

Managing Co-Parenting Strategies & Schedules

Of course, clear boundaries and communications should always run alongside the schedules and strategies you use for essential tasks, like your co-parenting decisions. Now, it’s important to recognize that parents who remain romantically involved and married can still have disagreements about how to raise their children, and so doing that in post-divorce doesn’t mean all the cordiality is breaking down and will never be enjoyed again. It’s important to understand and discuss that with your ex-partner so that when these issues arise, you can avoid catastrophizing them.

It may be that a healthy schedule of swapping custody of your children every few weeks can keep you going in the best way. Perhaps you’ll book separate vacations in the summer, or alternate who has who at Christmas every year for fairness. It takes frank discussion and a mutually-considered calendar, but it can certainly be achieved. You can even use tools like Outlook or Google Calendar to connect over a similar schedule to make sure you know what the other has booked, and where to be by a certain time. 

Draw A Line In The Sand

Ultimately, the reasons for the divorce can be forgotten once the divorce has processed, at least outside of egregious acts. In this case, it can be enough to consider the matter settled and to move on with a sense of wellbeing and mutually restorative forgiveness.

In some cases, you might have to take the initiative on this, in some cases, you might not. But if both parties can agree that a comforting life where the children are centered is the best step forward, then you can work on that as a wonderful and mutual goal. Ignore television shows and movies that might suggest this arrangement to be difficult or leading to Mrs Doubtfire-like escapades, in fact many thousands of parenting duos work alongside this exact arrangement in this very moment.

To do that, sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand, never intend to score points, and let the mistakes of the past remain there. That doesn’t mean you can’t be afforded a wonderful future.

Seek Professional Guidance When Needed

Life and personal relationships can be a little bit messy at the best of times, which is why it’s sometimes good to find the kind of professional guidance you may need. Family relationship counselors, impartial meeting spaces for disconnected families, and even co-parenting counselors can help you first open those lines of communication, especially if you’re just trying to put these measures in place, to begin with.

It’s important to reach out if you think these services could be helpful, they’re here for a reason after all. Remember what your goal is, to remain supportive of your children, to offer them a two-parent upbringing as best you can manage it, and to make your unique situation work well. As we said before, many other parents have managed to bring children up healthily and with love in this arrangement, so never assume your own happiness and mutual well-being is off the table.

Let This Process Take Its Time

Ultimately, you just have to let this process breathe and slowly form into something worthwhile. It can take months of genuine care, contributions, and personal adjustment to the new norm before the right outcome shows itself.

For example, it may be that your ex-partners new interest isn’t exactly your favorite person in the world right now, but over time you may even grow into good friends, seeing them at family events and trusting them with your own children when you’re not around.

That may seem completely opposed to your interests as of the moment, but not necessarily to a healthy outcome. You just have to let the process take time, always prioritize your children, and be a force for good in the family as time goes on. If you can do that, then anything is possible.

To conclude, we hope we’ve helped you feel more positive about sustaining beautiful family ties even post-divorce. If you communicate well, set healthy boundaries, manage responsibility, seek professional help where it’s needed, and allow time to work for you, the outcome can be truly magnificent. 

Again, divorce doesn’t have to be the end of the world. It can be a first step on a long journey of happy memories, as odd as that may sound to begin with. Why not try and see just what beautiful ties you can curate yourself?