Going through a custody battle can feel like navigating a minefield of emotions. It’s completely normal to be stressed, frustrated, or even angry. But while it’s okay to feel those things, it’s important to remember that your behavior during this time can have a big impact on the outcome of the case. Here’s the deal: the focus should always be on what’s best for your children.
Putting Your Kids First: This might sound obvious, but in the heat of the moment, it can be easy to forget. Here’s what not to do:
- Bad-mouthing the other parent: This creates a toxic environment for your kids and makes them feel caught in the middle. They love both their parents and negativity makes things harder for them.
- Turning your kids into messengers: Don’t put your children in the uncomfortable position of relaying messages or information to the other parent. This puts them in a difficult spot and can make them feel like they have to take sides.
- Bringing them into adult arguments: Keep your disagreements with the other parent separate from your interactions with your kids. They shouldn’t have to witness grown-up arguments.
Instead, strive for these positive behaviors:
- Be a rock for your kids: Maintain a stable and loving environment for them as much as possible. Let them know you’re there for them, no matter what.
- Focus on their needs: This means prioritizing their well-being and emotional security above everything else. Make sure they feel loved and supported.
- Encourage a healthy relationship (even if it’s tough): This doesn’t mean being best friends with your ex, but fostering a respectful co-parenting relationship goes a long way.
Representing Yourself Well: The way you handle yourself in court matters. Here are some things to avoid:
- Ignoring court orders: This is a big no-no. Sticking to the visitation schedule, following communication guidelines, and respecting any other court rulings show you’re taking things seriously and that your children matter to you.
- Turning court into a yelling match: Keep your composure and communicate respectfully, even if you disagree. Losing your cool makes you look bad and can hurt your case.
- Going it alone (in complex cases): Unless it’s a very straightforward case, consider seeking legal representation from a qualified family law attorney. They can guide you through the legal process and advocate for your interests.
On the flip side, these actions will help your case:
- Following the rules to a T: Show the court you’re responsible and can follow through on commitments.
- Being courteous and respectful: Treat everyone involved with dignity, including the judge, your attorney, and even the other parent.
- Getting expert help: A good attorney can be your biggest asset. They understand the legal system and can fight for the best outcome for you and your children. If you and the children’s other parent live in two different states, you can generally file in the “home state” of the child. This will count as a home state if the child has lived with a parent or someone acting as a parent for 6 months. For example, if the child has resided with a parent in Colorado, you can consult with a Boulder child custody attorney about your case and begin the process. There are exceptions to filing that can be taken into account as well.
Social Media Savvy: Believe it or not, what you post online can impact your custody case. Your social media digital footprint can come back to haunt you. Once something has been posted, even if you later delete it, it could be too late. Some could have taken a screenshot or video recording and this could be used against you during your child custody case. Not to mention, if your children are of the age where they have an online presence, they can see what you have posted, potentially damaging your relationship.
Here’s what to avoid:
- Venting online: Posting negative things about your ex or the case is a recipe for trouble. It can make you look unhinged and reflect poorly on your judgment.
- Over-sharing (especially the not-so-great stuff): Avoid sharing anything online that could be seen as irresponsible or detrimental to your parenting image. Remember, once it’s out there, it’s hard to erase.
For a positive online presence:
- Keep it private: Make your social media profiles private if possible.
- Focus on the positive: Share happy moments with your kids and focus on building a positive online image.
- Just say no: If the urge to vent online strikes, resist it! Talk to a trusted friend or therapist instead.
Maintaining Stability: Your children need a sense of security and stability during this time. Here’s what not to do:
- Becoming a nomad: Frequent moves or changes in relationships can be unsettling for kids. Try to maintain a stable living environment for them as much as possible.
- Taking unnecessary risks: Engaging in substance abuse, reckless behavior, or anything else that could put your children’s safety or well-being at risk will not help your case.
Instead, strive for stability by:
- Creating a safe and secure home environment: This shows the court you can provide a nurturing and consistent space for your kids.
- Making responsible choices: Show the court you have good judgment and can prioritize the well-being of your children.
Going through a custody battle isn’t easy, but by keeping your cool, focusing on your children’s needs, and acting responsibly, you can navigate this challenging time with more grace and (hopefully) a positive outcome. Remember, you’re not alone. There are resources available to help you, from qualified attorneys to co-parenting classes and support groups. Take advantage of these resources, prioritize your children’s well-being, and you’ll be well on your way to a brighter future for your family.