How to Help Your Child Deal with Exposure to a Traumatic Event

Sadly, in this day and age children seem to be exposed to more violence and other traumatic events than ever, with domestic violence, mass shootings, natural disasters, car accidents, wars, and other conflicts happening all over the globe on a regular basis.

As a parent, it can be incredibly difficult to know the best way to help your children cope with either hearing about or seeing something traumatic, and often even tough to work out how affected they are if they don’t want to talk about their feelings with you.

Some signs of stress that your child may exhibit after being exposed to a trauma are: an increase in aggressive behavior, or crying and whining, changes in eating and sleeping routines, separation anxiety, withdrawn behavior, and a return to younger self-soothing or emotional patterns such as sucking their thumb or having frequent nightmares. Children can also display a raft of physical symptoms, including headaches and nausea.

If you need to find some ways to help your family through difficult times, know that there are many techniques available. Therapy is an option, for example, as are things such as keeping the lines of communication open, answering questions, and validating a child’s feelings. Read on for the rundown on how you can implement some ideas today.

Keep Communicating

One of the best things you can do to help your children recover from seeing or experiencing a traumatic event is to talk it through with them, rather than pretend nothing happened. It helps to discuss the incident and get things out in the open so that the child knows that you are there for them, that you understand why they’re upset, and that they can start to feel safe again because the event is over (as long as this is the case).

It is likely that your child will have a multitude of questions about what happened. You should answer all of their queries as openly and honestly as you can, to a certain point — there may be some details that they just don’t need to know; this will vary according to their age and their level of understanding. Explain events to them in language that is appropriate for them, and tell them that while bad things can and do happen, they are being kept safe and you are there for them.

You should talk about incidents as a family, and allow all members of the household to have a say and express their feelings. It is very important that children feel heard, and that they understand that their feelings are natural and that everyone can react differently to a traumatic event.

You should listen closely to the feelings and concerns that your child expresses, and validate their thoughts and emotions by taking them seriously. Let them know that they can come to you anytime to discuss things, and that you plan to check in regularly to see how they are dealing with the trauma.

It helps to encourage your child to identify their feelings by naming them. For example, they may be feeling scared, sad, anxious, angry, confused, or even guilty. Many children may need a little time to digest what has happened before they talk about it, which is fine, but don’t leave it too long.

If your child struggles to identify their feelings, you can help them expand on their vocabulary in this area by reading and discussing books that deal with the feelings they may have. Some children also find it helpful to express their feelings through activities rather than standard conversations. If so, try getting them to do things such as telling stories, drawing or making things, or engaging in some pretend play. Use whatever techniques work best for your particular child.

In addition, when discussing traumatic events, take note of how your child has understood what has happened, to see if they have potentially jumped to the wrong conclusion about what caused the event or who/what was at fault. Sometimes children (especially younger ones) can mistakenly believe that a tragedy is their fault because they were naughty that day or perhaps had a bad thought about someone involved in the event. It’s important to determine if they happen to be thinking along these lines so that you can reassure them that it was not their fault.

 Adhere to Routines

Another thing that helps children cope with a traumatic event is their routine. After seeing or being involved in something scary, children tend to feel like their life is out of control. You can help them to feel more settled by adhering to their day-to-day schedule so that they can get a feeling of predictability back.

Keep in mind though that certain parts of their routine, such as going to school or visiting a friend’s house, may not be something they can manage straight away if they’re still very unsettled and just want to be close to their family.

Don’t push them too much, too quickly, as they will likely need more attention, more reassurance, and more comforting items or people around them for a while. Be patient with them if they are more clingy than usual, and realize that they may even act out as a way of trying to verbalise what they’re feeling or digest what has happened.

Focus on Relaxation

After a traumatic event many children struggle to calm their mind and body. This is where a focus on relaxation can really help. It’s best to limit stimulants from their diet, such as sugar, colored foods and soft drinks, while at the same time encourage them to do some form of physical exercise to help them burn off all the stress chemicals in their system. Soothing bedtime activities, such as bubble baths, reading stories, putting essential oils in their bedroom, and cuddling can also help them to relax.