How to Work Together as Parents After a Divorce

If you’re a parent and you and the other parent of your children have split up, finding a way to parent together can be a real challenge. There are usually lots of emotions swirling around and some people really struggle to adjust to the new situation and the reality of parenting together while being apart. It’s not easy but it’s something that certainly can be done.

We’re going to discuss today the various things you need to do and the approach you should really take if you’re going to work together as parents to give your kids the best after a divorce. It’s pretty normal to feel a little confused and apprehensive about how it’s all going to play out, especially after going through the ups and downs of a marriage and then a divorce together.

That’s why we’re going to talk today about some of the things you can do to start working better together when it comes to your approach to parenting. Read on now and find out more.

Try to Set Aside Hurt and Anger

The first thing you’ll need to do is try to set aside any feelings of hurt and anger that you might have experienced as a result of your divorce and previous relationship. Of course, that’s often much easier said than done, but nonetheless, you should try your best to do it. You don’t want those feelings to cloud your ability to be the best parent you possibly can be now that you’re trying to both be parents after the separation.

Work on Establishing Strong Communication

The next step should involve working on communication and the way in which you share information. You’re going to have to communicate if you’re both going to be effective parents going forward; there’s simply no escaping that fact. It’s up to you to establish and strengthen those lines of communication as soon as you can. Agree how you’re going to talk and discuss matters regarding your child and do what you can to keep talking. If communication breaks down, that’s not good for anyone.

Don’t Put Your Kids in the Middle

The last thing you want to do when you’re trying to be a good parent alongside your ex after a separation is put your kids in the middle. You certainly should ever make them feel as if they have to choose sides and they shouldn’t be exposed to any of the disagreements or resentments that might still exist between the two of you. You should focus on making sure they feel loved by both parents rather than feeling stuck in the middle.

Set Rules and Discipline as a Team

When it comes to rules and discipline, your kids definitely need consistency. You’ll want to make sure that you’re doing whatever you can to make sure that things like discipline are not very different between the two households because that inconsistency can lead to confusion and problems with behavior later on down the line for your child. That’s something that you obviously don’t want to create, so try to set rules and expectations consistently.

Create Consistent Schedule Where Possible

As a parent, it makes your life easier if you have a strong schedule that you can stick to with regards to childcare and shared responsibilities between you and the other parent of your child. But even more importantly, good schedules and consistent routines are good for your child. It’s not good for them to have their schedule constantly changing and always getting disrupted. That’s why you and your ex should try to make it a priority to stick to a consistent and reliable schedule wherever possible; in the end, it works out best for everyone.

Try to Make Important Decisions Together

It’s important to make decisions in a way that’s collaborative and that takes everyone’s needs into account. You don’t want to rush into decisions that are going to negatively impact the other parent and you also don’t want to look disunited to your children. By working as a team and making decisions together, it shows that unity that’s so important for parents and for kids. So when there’s an important decision to be made, talk about it together and try to make a decision as a team whenever possible.

Share Expenses

Sometimes, things can get a little confused and messy when it comes to finances. That’s why clarity is paramount when it comes to these matters. You want to make sure that you’re both on the same page with regards to child support, and this is something that should have the input of lawyers as well. In terms of day to day expenses when you’re doing things with the kids, it’s usually best to keep things simple and to split the costs 50/50 in most cases. Clarity and simplicity will help you avoid any unnecessary disputes.

Resolve Disagreements Through Compromise

When disagreements between the two of you do arise, it’s always best to look for compromises. Of course, this is something that only really works if you both do it. Nevertheless, it’s what you should be aiming for at all times. You want to make it clear to the other parent that you’re willing to be flexible and to find common ground as long as they’re willing to as well. Neither one of you is going to or should get things your own way. That’s not how parenting after a divorce works; you simply have to do your best to keep everyone as happy as they can be.

Always be Well Prepared Ahead of Pick-ups and Drop-offs

The logistics of picking up your child from their other parent or dropping them off there should be as smooth as possible. When you make sure that you’re always well-prepared and that all of the necessities have been taken care of, such as making sure your child is ready, has their bag packed and has been fed and cleaned, it’ll make life easier for the other parent. If that’s something that you both do, it’ll be mutually beneficial to each other and it’ll obviously be what’s best for your child, which is what’s most important here.

Know Your Limits and Boundaries

It’s important to know your limits and to set some boundaries. If your partner, for example, is not living up to expectations and not doing their part to be a parent that your kids need, you need to put your foot down. You also need to know what you’re willing to do for them to help them be a present parent during times when they might be struggling. That might mean helping them with money, but if they get into legal trouble and end up needing you to help them with bail bonds, that might be another matter. In all aspects, there need to be boundaries drawn somewhere.

Focus on the Most Important Shared Goals

As parents, you’ll have a lot in common, and you’ll have the most important thing of all in common: you’ll both want what’s best for your child. That’s why you should try to focus on that shared goal above all else and not get too bogged down in arguments or disagreements over minor things that really don’t matter all that much. If you can focus on what you both want and what’s best for your child, you’ll both become much better at parenting even though you’re no longer together.

Treat it as an Entirely Different Relationship

This is now an entirely new relationship and that’s something you both need to keep in mind as you seek to be the best parents you possibly can be. It would be a big mistake to treat it in the same way as you did in the past when you were together. Lots of parents make the mistake of never transitioning out of their previous relationship and into their new one, and that’s not the way it should be. Try to view this as an entirely new dynamic because that’s precisely what it should be; you’re co-parents now.

Call on Your Support Network When Things Are Tough

There will probably be testing times along the way as you’re trying to parent with someone who you were previously in a relationship with. That’s why it’s important to seek support from those around you and have a good support network in place. It’s going to be a challenge and something that will have its ups and downs, there’s no doubt about that. But what matters most is that you get the support you need and that you’re able to do your job as a parent because that’s what matters most here.

As you can see, there’s lots to think about and consider if you’re going to parent successfully with your ex after a divorce. It’ll be challenging and there’ll be lots of issues to overcome, but if you both stay focused on what really matters in all of this, you can make sure that the best outcomes for your kids are achieved.