Okay so I guess I never thought about it, but my mom told me the other day that if she gets invited to something, she always sends a gift regardless of whether she attends the party or not. Now for my immediate family of course I would always give them a gift, but if a friend invited my family to a party I never thought I should send a gift if we didn’t go to the party. My mom explained to me that if the person thinks enough of you to invited you to something then you should send a gift, maybe not as expensive as you would have given had you attended but still something.
This came up when I was writing out invitations for Aidan’s 5th birthday party. I don’t expect everyone to be able to make it nor do I expect gifts from those that can’t. I look at it like people bring gifts because they enjoyed food, drinks and whatever else the party offered. In the past I have received gifts from friends who couldn’t make our kids party and it honestly never clicked to me why they were sending it!
Am I naive? If you can’t make a birthday party, do you still send a gift? What is the protocol!? I don’t want to come off as cheap!
Christina says
Like others have said, for family and close friends – if we can’t attend a party then I send a gift (unless I can’t swing the extra money at that time or just can’t get out to get anything in a reasonable time). Causal friends that we don’t see or talk to often (or those ones that ONLY invite us to parties and never talk to us any other time lol) then we don’t send a gift if we can’t attend the party.
I never expect gifts from those who don’t attend parites, we don’t expect gifts from those who do attend them either though.
Cher says
We have a lot of casual friends that really only see a few times a year and that is usually at a party, in the past I haven’t sent a gift but as I was thinking about this 2 of them sent gifts for 2 of my son’s parties. I hadn’t thought of it at the time but they were sending a gift because I invited them! I wish I could go back now and send a gift to their kids’ parties that we missed.
Lisa @ Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy says
No I have never done that. If I miss a baby shower I even hold the present until the baby arrives as an extra excuse to get over to see them early on. But in our many don’t even bring gifts when they attend a party so we don’t send if we don’t!!!
Cher says
🙂
Terra Heck says
I’ll buy for my family if I attend or if I’m invinted and can’t make it. But I don’t buy for anyone else just because I’m invited.
On the flip side, I think it’s rude when someone is invited to a birthday party and they don’t bring a gift. I know it’s not all about the presents, but even a $2 gift shows that the person there was thankful for the food/cake and entertainment.
Terra Heck says
I meant that second half to say “if someone is invited and shows up without a gift”.
As an example, I had an entire family show up to my kids’ birthday parties. That family included two adults and six kids who I fed, provided party bags for, and entertained. In return, my kids got nothing, nada, zilch.
Cher says
That is awful! I agree with you completely! Come to the party, bring a gift, period! Even a toy from the dollar store or card explaining a gift will come at a later time (money troubles) Your comment reminds me of my wedding, we had 3-4 families show up from my husband’s side that gave less than $50 for 4+ people! Then we had about 5 people not give anything at all, no car, nothing. A few months later we started receiving gifts and learned you have up to 1 year to send a wedding gift!
nannypanpan says
i think your supposed to send a gift
Cher says
I know for like weddings you should, but all the time? Its crazy because we get so many invites to things that we have to turn some down.
nannypanpan says
I just do something smaller. the last time we couldn’t make it to a birthday party we gave the boy a gift the next time we saw him and then his mom gave us the party bag that we would have gotten if we had made it to the party…it made my son happy both to give his friend the gift and to get the loot bag..
Cher says
That is so nice that she saved you a goody bag!
Tracy simms says
I get a gift no matter what 🙂 thanks for this post
Cher says
I am thinking to be safe I will always send something form now on…I don’t want to be “that” person who doesn’t give a gift!
A2WithKids says
Depends. A baby shower, bridal shower, wedding, Christening, maybe an adult’s milestone birthday – yes. A kids party where they’re likely inviting the whole class – no (although I might for a really close friend). For example our neighbor who is almost like family was away for my 6 year olds birthday party. We invited them for dinner with grandparents & aunt on her actual birthday.
Cher says
We too have super close neighbors!
Kayla @ TheEclecticElement says
I’m with you-If it’s family or close friends, then yeah I can see sending a gift regardless of going or not, but if it’s just an acquaintance, then I wouldn’t worry about it.
Cher says
Yeah its hard to draw a line because we have friends who we aren’t really close to but do see occasionally. I guess I should just send something regardless!
Jan Messali says
I send gifts to weddings or baby showers that I’m not able to attend, but I’ve never done so for a child’s birthday party.
Cher says
I agree! It can get costly for kids and how many toys do kids really need!
Mary Dailey says
If it’s a family friend or your child’s cousin and you usually go to the party, then yes, a gift would be appropriate. If your child can’t make a school chum’s birthday party, then no, you don’t need to send a gift. If you’re able to deliver a gift, then you might as well go to the party. As long as you are not there eating and drinking, you are not obligated.
Cher says
Good to know!
Amanda says
Honestly if I we don’t attend it’s most likely because we can’t afford a gift. Now I’d always give a card.
Cher says
That’s nice of you – we have had people come to parties and not bring anything not even a card!
Doris Calvert says
Your mom is right you should always send a gift, especially for a child or a wedding, adults birthday or a backyard party I usually don’t unless it’s family or a close friend.It’s for the same reason your mom said:) Maybe it’s changed now I don’t know I still do it and I know my niece and nephew always get a gift from kids that can’t make it to the party! I would say a good reason not to is if money is tight and you really can’t afford it and that’s why someone dosn’t go to the party, but the person inviting you should already know that if they are family or a close friend. Just my opinion:)
Cher says
Very true that they would know about money troubles and be understanding!
Lori Z. says
I send a gift for family if we can’t make it, but friends/classmates…no. That’s four to six presents a month!
Cher says
Exactly it is starting to add up for us with parties!
Becky says
For me it’s always depended on who the invite was for. If it’s for someone your close to in everyday life say your bff, god child, one of your kids closest friends, or nearest a dearest and for whatever reason something came up and you can’t make it then yes by all means pick up and either send or take the gift by at a more convenient time. Also if they have attended your childs most recent party I think proper etiquette kind of requires the sending of a gift. But if they don’t fit into any of the above categories, like say it’s one of the 24 classmates your kid attends school with but doesn’t see outside of school not so much.
Cher says
We haven’t had classmates parties…yet.. but I am not looking forward to those adding up!