“Are You Done Now?”

“Are you done now?”  This is the question I have heard quite a few times since telling our family and friends that I am pregnant.  It’s funny how society seems to have expectations of how many kids is okay to have.

With my first pregnancy, everyone was so excited, especially since it would the first baby in our family and friends groups.  I had three baby showers, received so many flowers at the hospital, offers of help, and numerous calls to see how everything was.

With my second pregnancy which I found out I was pregnant when my first son was only 9 months old, people looked at me funny.  People would say “Was this an accident?”  “Was this planned?”  “How many kids are you going to have?”  All these questions drove me crazy!  I mean it didn’t matter if this baby was planned or not, he was coming!  Yes I did want my children close in age, call me crazy.  When Gavin was born, I received no flowers, no little gifts and really no calls.  I didn’t expect a baby shower, but I was surprised how little people acknowledged our newest addition to our family.

Now I am pregnant again, this time this baby will be 3 years younger than our youngest.  No this baby was not planned, but again why does that matter – we are happy regardless!  This time rather than saying how happy they were, many people were like “Are you crazy?”  I am not even joking or exaggerating that quite a few people told me that.  Yes my boys are a handful now but we got pregnant, it happens.  I always wanted more than two children and while I wanted to wait until both boys were in school full time to think about another baby, I will make it work.  I just can’t believe that no one really seemed genuinely excited for us (other than my blogger friends and readers!)  I even had one friend ask if my husband was going to have a vasectomy now!

I also think that if we have another boy, our friends and family will really be disappointed and not really acknowledge this baby.  Everyone keeps asking me if I was trying for a girl – like if I had another boy I would be completely devastated.  I know my family means well and yes I’d like a girl but I will take any healthy baby!  (read my post about “Trying for that girl”) Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have terrible friend and family members but they just think 1-2 children is it.  I know so many people that only have two children and that’s all they want.  I come from a big family (5 kids) while my husband is just him and his brother – I feel the more the merrier.  I see myself having 3-4 kids, no more than that though.

I don’t know how families like the Duggars (the TLC family that has like 20 kids) or other large families do it, but I feel that it is okay to have more than two kids.  I have always rebelled against society and maybe this is just another way I can do it – take that government I am having more than 2.5 kids!  I feel like it is our business and our family so as long as we can love and support our kids, it shouldn’t matter how many we have.

How do you feel about how many kids people should have?  Did you have similar reactions to more than 1 child like I did?

Speak Your Mind

*

Comments

  1. Hi,
    I am TTC with our first and I already know that our families are going to not be happy about it at first. We’re newly married and just getting on our feet and we don’t have a “house” and a huge “savings” etc but we have a desire for a family and love for each other and that’s enough for us. We both have jobs, are working on the savings, as everyone always is, and it’s our choice. We’re not even pregnant yet and this IS our first baby and at some point everyone will be excited but I already know that people are going to be like “What? You JUST got married, you don’t even have a house yet, you don’t make enough money, you’re too young etc..”. I’m 24 he’s 25. Back in the day if you were this age WITHOUT kids it’d ruin your life (and that wasn’t too long ago). We’re doing what feels right for US and living the life that WE want to, regardless of everyone else. Congrats missy, wear that baby belly proud!

  2. Terra Heck says:

    I was in the same situation when I became pregnant with my second son four months after I had my first. He was barely acknowledged. All babies are precious, regardless of birth order. I have three children of my own and three step-children. People have asked me why I would take on three more kids when I have plenty of my own. Hurtful.
    The only time I am concerned with people having too many kids is when they do it for welfare reasons.

  3. When we found out #3 was coming, I had a lot of people (even family members!) ask us if we knew what was causing that. Umm…yeah? I’ve already got two. I think we know!

  4. Although I have no children of my own, I do have 3 brothers and 4 sisters. Things were tight but we all knew we were loved. How ever many children a couple chooses to have is their business. So good luck with #3. It sounds like that baby is coming into a family that will be very happy for their new member.

  5. Jessica~Mom of all Trades says:

    I know how you feel. I have 7 living children plus an angel, and am pregnant right now. No one (in real life) shows excitement, no one helps at all – not even so much as bringing by a meal – and I hear “Don’t you know what causes that?” and “When is enough enough?” so many times it makes my skin crawl. And because I have 5 boys and 2 girls, everyone assumes that I prefer a girl. In my previous pregnancy I was hoping for a boy (which I got) and people literally asked “Why would you even want another boy?”. It really makes me sick that people can’t see what a blessing children are.

  6. the one question I keep getting is “are you still going to try for a girl?” since baby #3 is a boy (which means 3 boys).

    I keep telling everyone that I wasn’t trying to begin with and as long as he’s healthy and happy that’s all that matters.

    I know some people who are happy with just one child, others who want more. I personally can’t wait for #3 to arrive and am excited for you too =).

    I also have several friends who are unable to have children of their own, so I know how blessed we are…

  7. Tami Roebuck says:

    I completely know where you are coming from. Big things happened with baby #1. Baby #2 was less “exciting” for everyone. And baby #3, I barely got a phone call. Funny how that all happens. I felt the same way you did. Glad it wasn’t only me. All three of my pregnancies were planned, but even if they weren’t, what business is it of anyone elses? Congratulations! The bible says children are not to be thought of as burdens (planned or not).