“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is one of childhood’s first, elemental questions. The typical answers are a doctor, a ballerina, perhaps a chef. All of which, as parents, you might be prepared to hear. And, you might know how to continue the dialogue with them, discuss career tracks and how they can achieve their goals. Of course, the answer to the question continues to evolve as they get older. Rarely do kids know what they want to be from such a young age and stick to the same answer as they become teenagers, then young adults about to embark upon their college career. This is a normal part of growing up as their ideas about the world and themselves evolve.
However, what if your child tells you that they are eager to pursue not just theological studies in college, but a full-time religious vocation after they graduate? Your initial response might be hesitancy since the rulebook for such a career is not necessarily clear. If you find yourself in this position, then responding compassionately is key.
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No matter how much the prospect worries you, or puts you ill at ease because the path feels unclear and – for lack of a better word – modern, it is important to first hold your tongue and not to overreact. While it is natural to worry about your child’s livelihood, and how they will go on to have a “normal” life, coming across as judgemental may only ruin things between you both. It is already a tough decision for your child to make since there are many cultural and societal factors at play. Let’s face it, people aren’t necessarily as interested in religion as a vocation these days, and your child will already be facing a fair degree of judgment and even mockery. So, avoid negative comments and show that you are taking their decision seriously.
Do Some Research
At this point, it’s fairly early in the game for both you and your child, and they might not have all the answers to your questions. One thing you can both do together is to embark on a bit of research and become more informed about choosing religion as a profession. There is, for example, a difference between seminary and convent work, a fact which may initially elude you both. The best thing you can do at this point is to visit a priest you trust, or look into the experts at SUM.edu. It is highly recommended that you call or email the vocation director at these institutions to set up an appointment together. Treat the visit the same as you would any traditional campus visit, wherein you meet with the dean, learn more from various professors heading the department of interest, and so on. Remember that this is a research visit for you both, and it will help you equally in trying to freely explore the option and discern whether or not it is the best path your child could choose for themselves.
Balancing Seminary with Academics
If your child decides that they are indeed comfortable in pursuing this career option, and confident that they are ready to commit, then the next important step to take is to sign up for a rigorous academic plan. A strong theological education does not come at the expense of a more traditional academic plan – it is simply different.
You can help your child find a theological institution that aptly combines academic instruction, an excellent seminary education, and one-on-one personal mentorship under ministry guidance. You will be ensuring that you are laying the groundwork for a bright future in terms of your child’s education, who will be able to pursue the career they love while also receiving the access to necessary knowledge that will inform all areas of their life.
Patience is Key
This is a fairly difficult decision for anyone to take, and the strength of character it reveals is quite astounding. However, it is a long and tough road, and one that requires a great deal of patience – both on your part and your child’s. There will be many ups and downs, and seminary can instigate a deeply personal journey that opens them up to many vulnerabilities, which, of course, can create a fair amount of anxiety.
It will also be fairly common for them to come across mockery or rejection from society at large. They can feel isolated as others demean their sincerity and sense of purpose. For this reason, you as the parent should serve as the calm tide that keeps them grounded in the face of the storm as they make it through their difficult spiritual transition.
Dealing with Common Fears
Some worries and anxieties will creep up on you regarding your child’s choice. A common fear is that they will endure long bouts of loneliness as they become religious leaders in their community. However, you should keep in mind that they are engaging in day to day work with their parish, youth groups, and many others who visit for spiritual advice. They will never have a quiet moment to themselves as they focus on building healthy relationships – and many friendships – with their community.
Another fear that crops up often is that of not becoming a grandparent, or that you will lose your child altogether to the religious life. Both sentiments are fairly easy to quell when you put things in perspective. For starters, because your child will be so entrenched within the local community as a religious leader, they will grant you many “spiritual” grandchildren. Furthermore, parents of religious leaders will tell you that they do see a lot of their kids and that they never lose touch with them. Safely expect to see them consistently every weekend and every major holiday.
Many conceptions will abound in today’s world regarding religious service, and it is normal to feel a fair amount of anxiety when it comes to the sacrifices it entails. However, offering your child the necessary encouragement will help them come to their conclusions calmly and rationally. The best thing you can do is guide them by looking into the necessary research and refraining from judgment.
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